#There's a bunch of more complicated tips but honestly

[pallas-perspective]

Here's a couple of tips when dealing with genuine fur!

Lots of people say that water will "ruin" them, they're mostly exaggerating. If you get caught in rain or snow just make sure to shake it off and then hang it out to dry.

Avoid using a blow-dryer, heat can crack the leather or hide and stiffen it. Letting it dry naturally is fine.

You don't need to use a special comb or brush or anything to fluff it out, you can just brush it with your hand if it looks a bit flat.

If you spill anything on it, avoid using most stain removers, they can mess with the fur. Cleaning it with a wet cloth is the best move.

Avoid perfumes or hair spray when wearing it, they can stain and the oils get into the fur.

Finally, make sure to hang up the coat when you can!

Sorry to hear about your loss. Remember to look up how to care for Absol fur— Pokémon fur coats can be really hard to clean out

Yeah. My parents are going to help me out when they're not dealing with everything.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 | angus tully x reader (series finale)

read 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 and 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 first!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | angus has been waiting to see you again, but the more feelings get involved, the more complicated your affair becomes.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 7k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | SMUT (18+ only!!), mega angst but also fluff too, infidelity, boring old people parties, reader is still emotionally constipated and angus still has a breeding kink, but that's honestly it it's just a bunch of emotions so strap in folks!

Angus was pretty sure he broke some kind of record, with how quickly he ran back to his room after talking to you on the payphone.

He was sure that was exactly what you were picturing him doing— he’d made it pretty clear what he’d do once you hung up, and you’d made it pretty difficult to do anything else with the way you were talking.  You’d been winding him up on purpose, of course; so yes, you could easily imagine him making a mad dash to his room and slamming the door— if you really ever thought about him outside of those phone calls.

That was the thing Angus couldn’t figure out about you.  Well, there were probably a lot of other things than that, but it was the quandary he spent the most time pondering: does she think about me?

Whenever he mustered the courage to ask you something to that effect, you would either change the subject or give a half-answer.  Something about how you had a dream about him the other night or how your parents asked about him— never what he was really asking.

But, frankly, at that moment as he shut his dorm room door and jumped into bed, whether or not you thought about him much was not as pertinent an issue.  Right then, all he could think about was getting his hand around his raging boner; his mind was just playing everything you’d said to him over the phone on repeat.

I’m touching myself right now, you’d whispered in a sultry voice, I’m so wet, Angus— fuck, I’m so wet…

He’d never had to work so hard to keep a straight face on the phone before… he figured if anyone was really looking, they’d notice how red he was turning or how he kept shifting uncomfortably.  And he told you just as much, which of course only encouraged you.  Don’t want them to know, huh? you’d taunted. Don’t want the other boys to find out you’re listening to me get off?

And no, he didn’t— you were such a precious thing, the boys here didn’t even deserve to imagine you— but when you offered to stop if it was too distracting, he only found himself shakily begging for more.

As he quickly opened his khaki pants and gripping his cock, he hissed through his teeth; his ego could barely take all you’d said about that cock, about how thick and ‘perfect’ (you used that exact word, perfect, and he thought he might float) it was, about how you wished you could come around it right then instead of your fingers.

“It’s all yours,” he mumbled to himself, under his breath, not even really noticing he was saying it aloud.  “You want it, baby?  It’s all fucking yours.”

He groaned as he stroked himself, the precum that had been leaking from his tip for a while making everything even easier.  Shutting his eyes tight, he pictured you, like he always did: all of you, everything, anything he could remember.

You ever think about me? you’d asked him over the phone— and he’d blurted out his always before he even realized you meant while he was getting off.  It was still true, but more specific than necessary.  He craved to hear you say it: I think about you too.  But he didn’t ask, and you just went back to moaning while you rubbed your clit— which, apparently, was already swollen and throbbing— and, well, he wasn’t strong enough to interrupt that.

“Fuck,” he grunted, deep in the back of his throat, finally letting his pace pick up until his hand was a blur: after all that anticipation and all that waiting, there was no use trying to hold back now.  It wasn’t like you were here to worry about him coming too fast, even though you’d still maintained you found it endearing when it happened.

He repeated your voice in his head, the moment that had made him worry he would blow his load in his trousers before he could even get off the phone and back to his room: I’m gonna come for you, you’d warned him in the most beautiful moaning voice, Angus— I want you so bad, oh god— I’m gonna come for you, fuck…

His lip caught between his teeth, his hips rocked up into his own palm.  “Yes, fuck, baby,” he panted, “I— fuck!”

He tried to conjure in his mind how it had felt to come inside you, but he knew even his vivid imagination could never really capture the feeling; nothing could even come close.  Still, remembering it and letting himself indulge in his strangest fantasies for just a moment sent him over the edge.  His face flushed suddenly as he came in long, heavy pulses, the back of his free hand falling over his open mouth yet doing little to suppress his moans.

It was intense— it was certainly better than his orgasms usually were when brought on by himself— but it only satisfied him for a moment.  The moment he was finished, with a deep breath in and his hips relaxing back down onto the mattress, he wanted more— he wanted you.

His heavy eyes glanced to the side, trying to remember what it felt like to lie next to you.  He’d never felt lonely after jerking off before he met you; now getting off seemed to bring a new wave of heartbreak each time.

When he shook off the thought and looked down at himself, he frowned as he realized he’d ruined his own shirt doing that— not that he could fully bring himself to regret it.

No, his regrets only really began a few weeks later, when the nagging loneliness in the back of his mind finally got the better of him.

It was the middle of the night when he wrote it, after he woke up from a dream of you that he just couldn’t shake from his mind.  After checking that his roommate was fast asleep, Angus carefully slipped out of bed and tip-toed to the desk, and pulling out a box of cards and envelopes from one of the drawers.  (He thought he’d never use them when his mom sent them with him at the beginning of the year, but a lot had changed since then.)

Something about the ungodly hour made him more honest— or maybe just more shameless.  He wrote a frantic ramble, everything he’d wanted to say to you that he’d never had the courage to blurt out over the phone; all the feelings he’d felt since that incredible night in the backseat of your car, which he’d assumed would fade… which he’d tried to convince himself would fade.

Unfortunately, even the adrenaline of writing down the thoughts of you he’d been poring over for over a month wasn’t enough to overpower exhaustion: he awoke the next morning slumped over the desk, the pen still uncapped and fallen a few inches from his hand, the letter left folded open.

He awoke to the sound of someone’s door shutting down the hall, specifically; jumping and blinking quickly, he looked at the window— it was morning, though still quite early— and then at his roommate who was, thank god, still asleep.

Angus looked back at the letter in front of him, only making out a few words in his brief glance, before his cheeks began to heat up and he quickly folded it shut.  As more footsteps moved through the hall, the boy in the bed nearby stirred and grumbled to himself, and Angus quickly snatched up the letter and shoved it in his book bag before he was caught red-handed.

Ironically, that little commotion was what actually got the other boy’s attention.  “What are you doing at the desk?” he asked groggily, rubbing one of his eyes with the back of his palm.

“Oh, I, uh— I had to do some late night cramming,” Angus explained nervously, “that big Geography test coming up and all…”

The half-awake boy seemed to notice for a moment that the story didn’t really make sense, on account of the empty desk, but he simply shrugged and tossed his blanket aside to get up as well.

For the rest of the day, Angus couldn’t think straight— and not just because of his mediocre rest and achy back from the absolutely terrible sleep posture he’d had.  He couldn’t stop thinking about the letter, even if he honestly couldn’t remember for certain everything he’d said… he couldn’t stop wondering if he should send it to you.  He almost didn’t want to read it again first— he wanted you to read it in its most authentic state, he wanted to mail it before he chickened out just like he had when you said you two could just stay casual.  Even if it made his heart race and his palms especially clammy, Angus decided in the middle of that goddamned Geography test that he was going to mail that letter tonight after dinner: he was finally just going to man up and tell you.

Of course, something went horribly wrong along the way: he made a fatal mistake.  Looking back on it, he couldn’t tell for certain if his mistake was falling for you in the first place, or writing the infamous letter, or shoulder-checking Kountze without holding on tight enough to his bag.

The argument that happened beforehand was petty and forgettable, even if it gathered a small crowd of Kountze’s friends, but it ended with Angus trying to walk away a tad… aggressively, and with Kountze grabbing him by the strap of his bag which not only knocked Angus off-balance but spilled the contents onto the floor of the dorm’s shared room.

Everyone saw the books and papers hit the ground; everyone saw the off-white cardstock land right on top.  Angus reached for the letter quickly, but Kountze beat him there, and held it back with a snicker.

“Well, well,” Kountze tutted proudly, “what’s this?”

“H-hey, don’t read that,” Angus warned, hoping the seriousness of his tone would somehow affect the other boy— but, obviously, it did not.  Kountze started to open it and Angus instantly made a dive for it, only to be stopped by three other students who apparently were curious as well about the letter.  “Don’t fucking read that!” Angus demanded.

“Oh god, it’s to a girl!” he realized.  “Do you have a girlfriend, Tully?”

“I swear to god, Kountze, if you fucking read that—”

“I miss you,” Kountze began to read aloud as Angus thrashed around to try to stop him, “I miss you so much I don’t even know what to say.”

The boys holding Angus back were enraptured as Kountze read the letter; “Do you guys pay this much attention in class?” he mocked them, though they were ignoring him completely as they waited for the other boy to keep reading.

“I feel like I can’t breathe without you— aw, Tully, you’re a poet,” Kountze mocked with a smile.  Angus’ heart raced as he remembered what part of the letter came next.  “Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you and your smile— Jesus, this is some really sappy shit— or what it’s like talking with you for hours, or how it feels—”

He stopped, and Angus froze, and after a moment the group of boys started demanding the conclusion.  “What— what does it say?!” “Read it, Kountze!”

“How it feels to be inside you,” Kountze continued with wide eyes, staring at Angus’ bright red face as the other boys began to react loudly.

Angus renewed his struggle against the kids holding him back, but even though he was taller than them, he was severely outnumbered.  “Stop— that’s personal!” Angus demanded to no avail.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to my hand after having you,” Kountze continued with a laugh.  “From what I hear from your roommate, Tully, your hand is treating you just fine.”

“Shut up,” Angus hissed, but his words had lost their bite as his humiliation grew.

“I should’ve told you before I left—” he started, but finally Angus found some new strength within himself to shake off the boys holding him back: he dove at Kountze and took him down, scrambling to snatch the card away.  He was going to be satisfied with just that, but of course Kountze still had to open his mouth, even when Angus had him pinned.  “Jesus, Tully,” he scoffed, “how ugly is this chick that you got her to sleep with you?”

Angus brought a fist swiftly down to Kountze’s nose, who groaned in pain and held his face as Angus got up and ran away.  The other boys let him pass, thankfully, and Angus wasted no time getting to his room and slamming the door behind him.

Defiantly wiping a tear from his cheek, Angus took a quick look at the letter— wrinkled, stained and scuffed from the fight with Kountze— and crumpled it up, tossing it into his wastebasket before throwing himself onto his bed and hiding his head under the pillow.

He was stupid to even write it, let alone consider sending it; it was no use, you obviously didn’t feel the same way about him that he did about you.  You were the one who said it should just be what it was— a fling.  But Angus felt like he’d been flung directly into hell, the way it tore into his chest to imagine you didn’t really want him.

Even if he never read the letter again that day, he remembered how it ended— and it was the part he couldn’t get out of his mind even when he wanted more than anything to forget it all.

Is this what love feels like?

//

It reminded you a lot of that dinner over Christmas break, except somehow, it seemed like he was staring at you even more.  Shouldn’t he have gotten that out of his system a bit by now?

But then again, maybe you should’ve been more used to it, since it had been over an hour of picking away at this quail dinner, and he’d barely taken his eyes off of you.  Something about him looked different; it was basically impossible that he could’ve visibly aged in just a couple months, and yet he seemed like he was carrying just a bit more age on those thin shoulders.  Maybe it was just the slight five-o-clock shadow over his jaw— but, no, there was a different look in his eyes, too—

Realizing you were, in fact, staring back at him, you quickly snapped your gaze back down to your plate.

You’d been wanting a chance to talk to him before this dinner, to hopefully prevent exactly this issue, but once the dinner ended you found yourself avoiding him.  Of course you weren’t ready to talk to him— of course you had a million thoughts in your head and half of them didn’t even make sense.

For once, you actually tried to talk to all of your parents’ snooty friends, repeating the same answers over and over about how you were going to graduate school in the fall and how you were looking forward to your family’s Paris trip in the summer and all that jazz.  It was worth it to keep Angus off your back for a moment, even if you could still feel his eyes boring into said back from time to time.

Midway through a mind-numbingly boring conversation (if something so one-sided could be called a conversation) with the Gordons about renovations they’d done on their summer house, you glanced around the room over your shoulder and noticed that Angus was apparently absent.  His parents were still there, sitting on a couch— that is, his mom and stepdad— so he couldn’t be far, but out of view he was far enough.  Figuring he’d gone to the kitchen or the restroom, you figured it was the perfect time to disappear into the downstairs bedroom and, hopefully, hide out for the rest of the party.  Excusing yourself quickly, you made a polite dash for the other end of the room.

And yet, somehow, he appeared out of thin air; as you turned down the hallway, only a dim lamp on an antique credenza lighting your way, you heard Angus’ hushed voice behind you.  He laid his hand on your shoulder, and the moment you turned to face him, he was on you— his weight pressed you into the wall and you felt trapped in a way that was annoyingly pleasant.

“God, I missed you,” he breathed, kissing you hard and sudden; you whimpered a little, nearly melting into it, before you pushed him back at his shoulders.

“A-Angus, wait,” you sighed.  “You, um… you didn’t call for a while.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, “um, I’m sorry— I just got busy with midterms and stuff— but I really wanted to!”

He moved like he was about to kiss you again, but you kept your hand on his chest to keep him away.  “I wanted to tell you…” you trailed off.

“Tell me what?”

“You remember Brian Stevenson?” 

“Oh— um, yeah, I guess so,” Angus frowned a little, clearly confused by what seemed like a non sequitur.  “I used to go over to his house when I was little, although it was just to play with his little brother, but… yeah, I remember him.”

“I’ve been sorta, y’know… going with him,” you explained, hesitantly meeting Angus’ gaze just in time to see the most terrible sadness cover his face.

“O-oh,” he choked out, quickly stepping back from you and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah…” you mumbled, twisting your loafer-clad foot on the carpet nervously.  “It’s just, you know, he asked me out a couple weeks ago, and ever since then—”

“So is he, like, your boyfriend?” Angus pressed.  You nodded.  He looked away.  “Right— that’s… cool.  That’s cool.”

You bit your lip slightly, hating that he wouldn’t look at you all of a sudden.  “Angus, it’s just that, you know, we said—”

“Right,” he interrupted sharply.  “Right, I remember what we said— what you said, that we weren’t— you know.  That it wasn’t anything.”

“I didn’t say that—” you tried to correct him.

“You said you were mine,” he added suddenly, making your eyes widen.  “Did you even mean that?”

“I— Angus, come on,” you laughed nervously.  “That’s… that’s just something people say…”

He scoffed, and looked to the side as he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek; contempt looked sort of good on him, you thought, except that it was directed at you.  He was trying to hide it, but his eyes were watering.

“I’m sorry,” you began but he cut you off right away.

“No, don’t do that,” he shook his head quickly, crossing his arms and staring down at the floor.  “Don’t lie to me anymore.”

“No— I really am,” you tried to assure.

“Hey, it’s fine,” he insisted sharply.  “It’s— you know, it is what it is.  It was just one of those things.”

“If it’s fine, then look at me,” you pleaded.  He didn’t.  And for a long moment, the two of you stood there, still and silent.

“It’s fine,” he repeated softly, turning on his heel.

“Angus, wait,” you hissed, not wanting to raise your voice with all the guests not too far away— of course, it was fruitless, and he briskly blended back in with the crowd.

Sighing, you dropped your head into your hands.  That wasn’t how you ever wanted this to go, you never wanted to hurt him; honestly, you’d assumed he’d be irritated, but not… sad.  Not devastated.  Of course he would prefer to be getting laid, but you figured he wouldn’t have too much trouble finding some other girl to screw around with— sometimes, you’d wondered if he already had.

It was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be casual, it was supposed to be fun.  You couldn’t think of anything you’d ever done, or anything you’d ever felt, that was less fun than this.

//

It made a strange sort of sense that the next time you saw him was at another party.  Of course, this party was entirely different from the last one: for one, it was hosted by your boyfriend, and there sure as hell wasn’t any quail.  There was a lot more alcohol, though.

You were hanging off to the side, not feeling quite up for mixing in with the crowd as they danced to the record Brian had put on.  Even if they spared you from the same boring questions that your parents’ friends bombarded you with, they were uninteresting in their own way as every conversation seemed to come back to politics or pot.

Brian startled you a bit by coming up beside you, resting his hand on the small of your back.  “Hey,” he greeted, and you smiled up at him.  Your eyes lingered on his face— he looked… grown up.  It was probably just because he had a beard; he certainly didn’t always act grown up, but overall, Brian was perfectly acceptable.  He’d asked you out, he’d actually had the bravery for that, so that was a great head start.

You tried to shake the thought out of your mind, looking away from him; it wasn’t a head start because this wasn’t a race.  Who, after all, would he be racing against?

For some reason, your eyes turned to the front door— and you bit your lip as you saw Angus coming inside, slipping off his coat and looking around the room (for you, presumably).  He looked even more haggard than before: a little pale, eyes sunken and dark, and he definitely hadn’t shaved since you saw him.

Brian looked to find where you were staring, and frowned slightly.  “Who’s that?” he asked.

“Oh, um— Angus Tully, his parents are friends with mine, I used to babysit him when he was a kid.”

You knew that wasn’t really what he was asking, so you weren’t surprised when he got to the point more directly: “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, hoping Brian wouldn’t somehow figure out that your heart was racing.

Brian’s hand moved up to your shoulder and gave it a squeeze, just as Angus noticed you and hurriedly shoved his way through the crowd to come face-to-face with you.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” he asked, his voice raspy and hurried as he took a quick glance at Brian in his peripheral.

“Um— sure,” you agreed awkwardly, not sure which answer would be less suspicious.  Of course, when you glanced at Brian, he just looked mildly annoyed— bored, even.  You realized in that moment that you didn’t need to worry about him suspecting you and Angus of anything, because he barely registered Angus’ existence: he certainly wouldn’t acknowledge him as some kind of sexual threat.

“Privately,” Angus added— and that actually got Brian’s attention, though he seemed more aware of your discomfort than anything.

“Anything you wanna say to her, you can say in front of me,” Brian assured firmly, and Angus swallowed anxiously— it was obvious from the bob of his Adam’s apple.

“Actually, uh, somebody was looking for you out front,” Angus told him.  “Something about a keg getting delivered to the wrong house?”

“Shit,” Brian hissed, dropping his hand from your shoulder and looking towards the door again.  “Fucking idiots…”

Having made quick work of Brian, Angus put his attention back on you.  “Let’s go outside,” he suggested.

“W-we can just talk here,” you tried to say, but he was already grabbing your wrist and guiding you out; why did your heart still skip when he touched you?

Once he’d taken you through the kitchen and out to the back porch— where you could still hear the music and chatter, but it was much quieter— you spoke.

“Angus, I really am sorry about— you know— but you can’t just—” you started.

“It’s not over yet,” he insisted, surprising you with his intensity; you leaned back against the wooden railing, and he stood just a little too close with those dark brown eyes piercing through you.

“If you tell me you’re happy with Brian, I’ll leave you alone,” Angus decided, puffing up his chest a bit.

“I’m happy with Brian,” you said sternly.

A brief moment passed.  “Okay, I lied,” Angus admitted.

“Jesus,” you hissed.

“But only because I don’t believe you!” he explained.  “We were so good together.”

“Yeah, we were,” you admitted, “but… it’s over now.”

“No— it’s not.  It can’t be!” he insisted with a whine, and you scoffed as you shook your head.

“Angus, you’re being childish,” you scolded.

“Oh, don’t say that,” he grimaced.  “Don’t hold that against me— I’m not stupid, you know.”

“Of course you’re not— but you’re not thinking clearly.”

“Damn right I’m not!” he spat.  “You’re all I could think about, for months!  Months, I couldn’t fucking get you out of my head!  And not just the, you know, the dirty stuff— everything.  Every moment I spent with you, every dumb thing we talked about for hours, every time you laughed at one of my shitty jokes—”

“Angus, please,” you breathed, glancing down; you could only take so much of this, and you worried he was figuring that out.

“Does he make you laugh?” Angus pressed, stepping a bit closer to you.  “Does he make you feel special?  Does he make you come?”

“Yes,” you said sharply, “he’s great, okay?  I’m happy— so please just stop fucking this up for me.”

“Okay, fine,” he conceded, “you’re happy, I believe you.  But… but what about me, y’know?  He doesn’t need you like I do.”

Your face warmed up and you crossed your arms tighter, staring down at the ground.

“Of course he likes you— who wouldn’t?  But he couldn’t even imagine how I feel about you— how long I’ve been thinking about you.  I mean, I’ve wanted you since I was a kid!  You’re my dream girl!”

“That’s— that has nothing to do with me,” you tried to explain.  “That’s a fantasy!”

“But it’s real, baby,” he sighed, bringing his hands up to gently hold your arms at either side.  “It’s so real, you know it is.”

You didn’t even have the heart to deny it— or to tell him not to call you that.  You knew if you looked up at him, you wouldn’t be able to fight him anymore; he must’ve known that, too, because he delicately lifted your chin until you met his gaze.

And then he kissed you: tender, sweet, and shameless.  He didn’t care if anyone saw, if anyone knew— even Brian.  You, on the other hand, still cared enough to try to stop him; but even you couldn’t resist a kiss like this, and you found your hands pulling him closer as quickly as they’d tried to push him away.

He took you home, without another word about what this meant or where you stood with each other.  You snuck him into your room and he climbed into bed with you and he touched you like he’d been waiting a lot longer than just a few months for this moment.  Frankly, you were beginning to realize that you’d been waiting a lot longer for this, too.

Before, Angus had always been talkative during sex— sometimes annoyingly so.  But this time, he didn’t say a damn thing; neither of you did.  And yet, somehow, just by the way he looked at you, just by the way he held you, just by the way he moved inside you... you felt like you heard more than you ever had.

//

You sat next to each other on the bench, staring forward into the dark treeline ahead— there was still a layer of frost around their roots, and a new snow had begun to fall even if it wasn’t cold enough for it to stick on the pavement.  You tried not to look at him too long, in case it made this any harder, but you did appreciate that he seemed a bit more put together than he had the last time you went a few days without seeing him.  He was clean-shaven, too… is it wrong that you kinda missed the stubble?

“Thanks for, you know… giving me a couple days to think about it,” you mumbled, and he nodded.

“I thought you might have somewhere better to be on a Friday night,” he said— trying to lighten the mood a bit, you could tell; trying to make you comfortable.

“Well, even if I did, I think this needs to be done,” you explained, and he pressed his lips together a bit.

He waited patiently, though, for you to break the silence and explain yourself, even if he didn’t seem too surprised when you did it.

“It was a mistake,” you decided.  “It was great, but it was a mistake— and I’d really appreciate if we could just… let it go.  And if you didn’t tell Brian.”

“Okay,” he nodded slowly.  “I wasn’t gonna tell him.  But I still think you should dump him.”

“Well, that’s my decision,” you reminded him, crossing your arms.

“I know,” he breathed.

You could already tell, just by the way the next silence began, that he was going to interrupt it with something stupid… you just never expected how stupid.

“The thing is— I love you,” he blurted out suddenly, turning to look at you again as your eyes widened.  “I fucking love you.”

“Angus, I— you can’t—!” you choked out, but he continued before you could try to think of a response.

“I know I do— don’t say I don’t know what that is, or that I’m too young or something stupid like that,” he pleaded.  “I know how I feel, okay?  When you miss somebody this much, when you think about somebody this much— what else could love be, but that?”

You sighed, looking away, and he moved closer to you on the bench.  Even if you knew it was preposterous that someone else would be in the park at the end of the street at this time of night, you still fought the urge to look over your shoulder.

“Don’t tell me I’m crazy,” he breathed.  “You love me too, don’t you?  I mean— I thought you basically forgot I existed, but last night… that sort of thing doesn’t just happen, does it?  It’s not… it’s not usually like that.”

“No, it’s not,” you admitted, “that was different.”

He perked up, smiling wide when you looked at him again.  “Just say it,” he begged, “say you love me too— ‘cause I know you do.”

“I— Angus, it’s more complicated than that,” you explained.  “We’re still— there’s Brian, for one thing… we can’t really go on like this, you know that.”

“I know— I don’t want to keep doing this.  I want to really be together,” he replied.  You tried to turn your body away from his slightly, but he grabbed your hands and held them tight until you looked at him again.  “I’m almost done with high school— I’ll go to college where you’re going for grad school!”

You shook your head.  “No, you can’t do that.”

“Just think about it: us, together— we could actually go on real dates, and go to college parties together, and, like, study out at the library— or, you know, whatever you college kids do,” he fantasized.  You smiled, but shook your head again.

“We… we can’t do that,” you denied.

He frowned, and turned away from you, staring darkly at the ground.  “I knew it,” he mumbled, shaking his head.  “You’re embarrassed— you’re ashamed of me.”

“What?!” you blurted out.  “Angus, no—”

“It’s okay,” he said in a terribly unconvincing way, crossing his arms.  “I don’t blame you: I’m just some dumb kid from your hometown.  You want a guy your age— not some random freshman… you want something better.”

“That’s bullshit,” you replied instantly, “you can do so much better.”

“C’mon, I’ll never do better than you,” he insisted.

Even though he’d misunderstood you, your heart still swelled a bit at the compliment.  “I meant for college, Angus,” you explained, and he deflated a little.  “You can do a lot better than a state school.”

“Well, I, um… I don’t know if I can,” he admitted nervously.  “My grades are kinda… inconsistent.  And I went to so many different high schools—”

“Who gives a shit?” you scoffed.  “You’re fucking smart— way smarter than anybody else here.  You act like an idiot sometimes, but you’re eighteen, it kinda comes with the territory.”

He frowned, but couldn’t exactly deny it.

“You deserve to go somewhere amazing,” you told him.  “You need to go somewhere amazing— and do something amazing.”

For a long moment, he just stared out into the dark; until, suddenly, he whipped his head back around at you with a quizzical look on his face.  “Wait— is that what this is all about?”

“What?”

“Do you not want to be with me because you think you’d, like, hold me back or something?” he accused.

You blinked quickly; something about the way he said be with me caught you off-guard— like it was a term much more mature than you had expected from him.  Instead of answering directly, you just stammered.  “Well, y-you’re young, and—” 

He cut you off quickly with a laugh.  “Oh my god!  You think I give a shit about that?”

“No,” you shot back, “but you should.  You realize how fucking dumb it would be to change your whole life for the first person you ever slept with?”

“When you put it like that, it sounds dumb,” he admitted, looking down at his feet swinging over the edge.  “But what if it’s somebody that, you know, you think you really have a shot with?  What if it’s somebody that you feel like you can’t live without?  Somebody that makes you finally get all those songs you hear on the radio—”

“It only feels like this to you because you’ve never felt anything else,” you explained gently.  “It’s your first love.  It fades.”

“But I don’t want it to,” he said instantly, looking at you with the most heartbreaking eyes you’d ever seen.  “God, I don’t want it to.”

You looked up at him as his hand brushed over your face, and felt tears welling before you could fight them off; he kissed you, in a way that you thought he might have never really kissed you before.  In a way nobody had kissed you before, in fact.  It wasn’t very long, but it felt like it might as well have gone on forever.

When he broke away, he kept his eyes shut, and he pressed his forehead to yours as his thumb stroked your cheek.  “Tell me it doesn’t have to end,” he breathed, “please.  Tell me it’s not going to end.”

“It has to,” you whispered back, watching his shoulders sink and bringing your hand up to clutch at his chest.  “It has to end, someday.”

You took a shaky breath, watching a tear fall from his jaw onto your arm, feeling everything you’d held back finally breaking through as your grip on shirt tightened and your lip began to quiver.

“But it doesn’t have to be tonight,” you sighed.

Gasping with relief and joy simultaneously, he kissed you again, and pulled you closer at your waist, and wrapped you up in his arms tightly.

There was, of course, this nagging voice at the back of your mind— that maybe it didn’t have to end.  And god, you wanted to silence that thought permanently if you could, because it had never done you any good.  That hope had only ever led to pain before.  But, without it, nothing would ever really have a chance: if you weren’t willing to risk the heartache, you’d never let yourself love Angus the way that he deserved and the way that you knew, deep down, you already did.

So, as he kissed you that way you thought people only kissed in movies, and whispered to you those words you thought people only said because they were poets and dreamers, you realized that maybe it didn’t have to end someday.  Maybe he would spend the next several years of your lives convincing you that you didn’t need to protect yourself from your own feelings.  Maybe he would actually have the patience to break down walls he never built, to fix wounds he didn’t leave.  Maybe he was ready to give you something to believe in, something worth taking risks for while you were still young and reckless.  Maybe he, like the oncoming equinox, would melt your ice so new life could grow.

Or, maybe, this feeling he had really would fade once he gained a little more life experience; maybe you would make too many mistakes for him to forgive.  Maybe you would always be friends, or maybe you would have too much history to be able to see each other again.  Maybe you would grow apart— maybe you would have to brace yourself for that, to sit next to him on a cold dorm room mattress as you both realized it just wasn’t working anymore.

The most important thing that you realized in that moment— that eternal moment in his arms, in the dark, in the last snow of Spring— was that it didn’t matter.  It didn’t have to be forever to be perfect; it didn’t have to be the ending to be beautiful.  He loved you.  Even if you were still trying to figure out why, he loved you; and that was true, and real, and special.  His love couldn’t fix you, but it made you feel fixable, and you hadn’t seen yourself that way in a long time— you could only dream that you might see yourself the way he saw you.

When you pulled back from the kiss for a moment, you smiled wide— you laughed, actually— and sniffled as he wiped your tears away.  “I love you,” you told him, and even though he kissed you again, you didn’t stop saying it.  You wanted to keep it on your lips until it didn’t scare you anymore; you wanted to keep your heart open, even if it made you vulnerable, maybe because it made you vulnerable.  After all, you couldn’t ever be sure it wouldn’t come back to bite you… if you could, it wouldn’t mean anything.

Even though all you said to him was I love you, each one meant something a bit different.  I trust you.  I’m not sure I’m ready, but I’m going to try.  I’m sorry.  I’m so glad I met you.  I’ll never forget you.  Please don’t let me go.

Somehow, you felt like he heard each one.  Each time he told you that he loved you, though, you heard the same thing: I won’t let you go, ever.

//

Easter Mass was relatively pleasant, if a little too long.  You did notice Angus sitting with his family, across the aisle and a few rows back, but you only gave him a quick wave before the service started and managed to resist glancing back at him after that.

The best part of Easter was always afterwards, though: you stood at the furthest end of the lawn, in front of the ivy-covered exterior wall of the chapel, as children ran around snatching up colorful eggs to collect for their baskets.  Even if it was totally stupid, and irrelevant to the actual message of the holiday that the priest had just spent the whole service hammering in, you got a kick out of the fancy clothes and tiny dress shoes, the squeals of delight, the candy and toys in bright pastels.  You were just thankful the weather had warmed up in the nick of time for all the festivities— indoor egg hunts never have quite the same effect.

Angus sauntered up beside you, sipping on a styrofoam cup of complimentary coffee, and you didn’t even look at each other, but you both smiled.

“They’re cute,” he stated after a little while.

“Yeah,” you agreed.

“Do you wanna have a kid?” he asked, and you gave him a hesitant glance only to find him looking right back at you— his expression was friendly, but neutral enough that you couldn’t read if he meant having a kid with him or just, you know, in general.

Deciding it must be the second one, you let out a soft, nervous laugh.  “Uh, I dunno… maybe someday,” you offered, as non-committal as possible.

“How about right now?” he challenged, lowering his voice slightly, but not enough to stop you from glancing around to make sure nobody heard.

“Angus, fucking Christ,” you coughed.  “Don’t joke about that.”

“I’m not,” he shrugged.  “I mean, maybe I’m not being literal, but that doesn’t mean I’m not being serious.”

“Well… we can’t,” you mumbled, looking out at the lawn again, hoping not to stand out too much.  “Not here.”

“I know, I know,” he agreed, and the two of you fell back into a silence— an oddly comfortable one, even.  You crossed your arms as you watched the kids run around and he kept sipping on his coffee.  After a few moments, though, you spoke again.

“Meet you in the Sunday school room in the West wing in five minutes?”

“Yup,” he said, already turning to leave.  You smiled slightly to yourself, glancing down at your white shoes planted in the grass.  Even on such a delicately-manicured lawn, wildflowers were already springing up— little periwinkle diamonds scattered here and there.

When what felt like a reasonable amount of time passed, you made your careful and casual exit from the egg hunt to slip back inside.  Once you were away from the crowds and on your way to meet Angus, you couldn’t stop yourself from running… and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, either.

[dismissivedestroyer]

Hi! So I want to make a Spooky Month OC but I suck at drawing, do you have any tips or advices about drawing characters in the Spooky Month artstyle?

Okay so, I might not be the right person for this, cause I also am not all that great at drawing in the Spooky Month artstyle, but I did some character design at school so I might be able to give a few tips! Please do take everything I say with a grain of salt tho!

Spooky Month's strong suit is definitely character design. It's SO expressive and well done it's genuinely unreal. You might want to know exactly what your character is gonna be doing, or how their personality is gonna be like, because character design in Spooky Month cares a lot about things like these. For example: Radford works at a cinema, so of course he's wearing 3D glasses, but also his HAIR IS LITERALLY SHAPED LIKE A POPCORN.

So maybe decide on a job for your character, and try to start from there, get crazy with shapes and have fun! Spooky Month characters have designs that are both extremely simple to draw, since they use mostly basic shapes, but also are extremely thought out and meaningful. Another example of great character design is Pump

Now, I have no idea if you already had an OC in mind, but make sure to choose the right shapes to represent it. Something I see around in the fandom is people making these OCs that are like, serial killers and dangerous people and stuff, but then give them the "Lila"-like oval head. And honestly, nothing wrong with that, that's a choice you can use! But still, shapes allow us to understand a lot about how a character is just by looking at them. So you might want to experiment around a bit!

Ovals in Spooky Month are the "good" shape, let's just say. Most character with an oval head are sweet, helpful, kind-natured! It's often paired with oval eyes, so it's mostly a shape that's used for not villainous characters.

Circles are a bit more complicated, because Spooky Month subvertes the Circle Characters. While yes, they're also used to draw children, such as Skid and Pump, so they may come off as unthreatening at first, most main villains, such as Eyes, Bob and Dexter Doll (which is meant to represent the likes of a child, so that's a nice contrast), are mostly circle-shaped.

There's a very wide range of Square characters in Spooky Month. Square characters are usually bulky, big and strong. They often come off as threatening (such as Moloch), but there are so many other fun things you can do with them. Like, take Frank. EVERYTHING in his design should alarm us, him being square-shaped, the black eyes, the wide smile. Yet, he has a shape of the eyes that's very relaxed and chill, so we end up trusting him. As for Dexter, he's a mix of circles and squares, so we can't really understand his intentions right away, because he's shaped in the most confusing way possible. He's just made to be unsettling and leaving us to wonder if he's a bad guy or just an oddball.

You can do SO MANY fun things by mixing up shapes of faces and eyes it's INSANE. Also, you can mix up other characters' features to create a new one, if you're planning to do a fankid or stuff like that. Look at Ross, he's literally a mixture of all his parents' features!

My main tips for drawing in the Spooky Month artstyle are mostly

1) Play around with shapes. Be as cartoony as possible.

2) Try to be consistent with proportions, because, based on personal experience, if you draw the pupils of the eyes slightly off it changes the whole character's expression drastically

3) don't worry too much about details, Spooky Month has a very simple artstyle. You don't have to draw a perfectly anatomically correct hand, just whip up some cartoony three-to-four fingers and you're good to go

4) try to redraw some pre-existing screenshots from the serie to get familiarity with the way Pelo draws expressions. It helps a bunch.

So yeah, that's all! Good luck with your oc :)

[swollenbabyfat]

Hello! I saw you were taking asks about anything (with bonus pictures of Mr. Haku?? bless) so I was wondering if I could politely pick your brain about your illustrative process. I've been tearing my hair out over rendering practice lately and your studies always blow me away. I know you've had some training and I think we both use Procreate, so I'd love to hear about how you use layers and/or layer blend modes, but also general process, thoughts, tips, etc. hope you're well, have a nice day :-)

Thank you so much for the ask and kind words!

I don’t cross promote it as much as I should probably but I upload a lot of speedpaints to YouTube, such as this study that might be helpful. Depending on how complicated the piece is, I’ll either break it down by putting shapes down (typically darks first) or do a more formal sketch if I don’t think I can easily eyeball it. After the sketch, I do an under painting on a layer below the sketch, set the sketch to multiply and then I render everything on one layer. It really depends on the brushes you use, but I prefer to build opacity slowly with a brush that doesn’t blend, lowering and upping the brushes opacity as I see fit. This creates a more complicated, kind of glowy effect that I think works particularly well for skin rendering.

I’ve been exclusively using leatherwood under “artistic” in procreate recently. You have to use a pretty big canvas to make it work (I’m usually working on 8000px+ 300dpi) but I really enjoy some of the unpredictability of the brush, makes things feel more natural. Not sure if I altered the brush at all but if there was a multiply or stabilization on I turn those off always, basically.

As for layer modes, I don’t tend to use them a ton for paintings except maybe for maybe throwing a slight multiply layer to bring tones down if the key gets too high. I’m more likely to mess with curves and color balance to experiment with color. I do this especially for my lined illustrations, I use layer modes also for them too and just go to town trying a bunch of stuff. My tip for this is to duplicate your file, flatten everything, duplicate your flattened layer and just mess with it until it feels right. Color editing to this degree is kind of new to me, but since I’ve begun it’s really upped my game I think.

Before/after color editing. I know sometimes people think of this as a cheating tool in digital art but honestly that is a silly take to me.

I hope this answers some of your more specific questions. Thank you again!

This post is already long as shit so Mr. Haku under the cut

[ros3ybabe]

My *Updated Winter Skincare Routine + Some Tips 🎀

I have tried out some new products and have found some new personal favorite skincare items for the winter! I figured I’d update on my current morning and night skincare routines and add in some tips (based on things I’ve been doing that have been working for me). I am not a dermatologist or professional, these are sino,y my routines and what works for me!

🩷 Morning Skincare Routine

Wash my face with Cerave Hydrating Face Wash and cold water

Pat dry with a paper towel

Apply Jumiso Vitamin C Serum

Follow up with Illiyoon Ceramide Ato Cream

Use sunscreen, Beauty of Joseon Rice + Probiotics SPF 50

that’s my simple little morning routine! I love it so much more for than my super complicated routine because sometimes it’s nice to just get in and get my skincare done for the morning.

🩷 Night Skincare Routine

these two things stay the same every night, but the rest differs by night

Oil cleanse on dry skin with Anua Pore Control Cleansing Oil

Follow up with using the B.Lab Matcha Foam Hydrating Cleanser

Monday/Wednesday/Friday - Exfoliating

Use the Cosrx AHA/BHA Toner

Pat in the Cosrx Snail Mucin Essence

Use the Torriden Dive In Low Molecule Hyalorounic Serum

Next, I pat in the Beauty of Joseon Calming Serum

I use the Cerave Eye Repair Cream on my under eyes

Lastly, I use the Cosrx All In One Snail Cream

Tuesday/Thursday - Retinal Eye Cream Days

I use the Anua Heartleaf 77% Soothing Toner

Next, I’ll use the Torriden Dive In Low Molecule Hyaluronic Serum

Then I’ll occasionally use the Skin 1004 Centella Asiática Ampoule serum

Then I Pat a bit of the Beauty of Joseon Revive Eye Cream under my eyes

Lastly, I lock it all in with my Etude Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream

Saturday - Basic Day

I’ll use the I’m From Rice Toner on this day

Then I’ll use the Good Molecules Hyaluronic Acid Serum

Followed by either the Anua Peach Nicain Serum OR the Beauty of Joseon Glow Serum

I’ll Pat the Cerave Eye Repair Cream into the under eye area

Then I lock it all in with Etude Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream

Sunday - Full Self Care Day

Before double cleansing, I use the Beauty of Joseon Red Bean Face Mask (I love her)

Then I double cleanse

Then I’ll use the Anua Toner Pads

Then I use my Cosrx Snail Mucin Essence

Then I use either of my Hyaluronic Serums depending on how I feel

Then I’ll use the Axis Y Dark Spot Correcting Glow Serum

Cerave Eye Cream of course

Then I use the Cosrx All In One Snail Cream

Every Night -

I pat a little Hyaluronic acid serum into my lips and seal it with Vaseline

a lot of products, yes, but I went crazy and bought a bunch of skincare and now I’m using it and my skin loves all of it honestly! My skin is not super sensitive so I use everything within reason in a way that won’t irritate it. For me, I know what works for my skin and what doesn’t, and that’s been the most helpful thing. Now, for some tips,

🩷 Skincare Tips

Apply vitamin C to dry skin! I’ve heard this helps with absorption and the way the serum works!

Pat face dry, do not rub! Rubbing irritates the skin and pulling on it aggressively like that isn’t good long term

Use clean paper towels! May be a bit wasteful but it’s a lot cleaner then using a face towel that you wash once a week

Apply Hyaluronic Acid to damp skin for better absorption!

Apply all serums to your clean fingers to pat into skin as dragging the droppers across your skin can collect bacteria and what not

Always use sunscreen! I myself sometimes forget or I skip it and that’s just not good for your skins health long term

drink your water!!! Hydrated skin starts from within, lovelies

Use products that work for your skin type! Avoid fragrances if you have sensitive skin, avoid snail mucin if you have a dust allergy, etc

Cold water in the morning to refresh your skin and wake you up

if I've washed my face + done my skincare the night before, I do not wash my face in the morning. I simply splash with cold water and do my morning routine.

learn your skin type! this will help you determine what products will be beneficial for your skin type and goals. My skin bounces between oily and dry depending on the weather, if I did skincare, if my pillowcases are clean, etc.

don't touch your face, at least not with dirty hands. always make sure your hands are clean before touching your face

don't pop acne! not only with this leave the chance of scarring, but it spreads the bacteria from one pimple to the rest of your face

brush your teeth before doing skincare. when you brush your teeth after, you may rub off the stuff you've applied or mix it in, which is not the best for your skin

those are all the tips I currently use in my everyday life regarding my skin! I hope this was useful!

til next time lovelies 🩷

[wifegideonnav]

should i read homestuck. like i feel it would be interesting so i could see what yall are talking about in regards to tlt but is homestuck actually good

"is homestuck good" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 8129 pages of heated debate,

no but seriously, it highkey depends on 1. your definition of good and 2. your tolerance for stupid bullshit. as someone who read tlt and then hs, i'd say that being a fan of the chaotic aspect of tlt is a good predictor of being able to hang in with homestuck.

readmore because this. um. got long. the tl;dr is: i like homestuck a lot and i am glad i read it. i can't tell you if you should read it bc idk your tastes, but there is a lot to like and enjoy about it.

the official pitch for homestuck is something like "4 kids play a game and then a bunch of other shit happens." here's my pitch based on what the core of the story is to me:

several groups of characters across time, space, and reality are brought together in order to succeed at creating a new universe after their own are destroyed. this takes the form of a game, which is called sburb (by the humans) and sgrub (by the trolls). the characters must contend with an eternal battle against good and evil in which they are the deciding factor, and level up while following personalized quests. at its heart, homestuck is about relationships of every sort and how they shape us, growing up and the associated grief and loss, coming into ones identity and choosing who to be, predestination and fate, and stories themselves. it gets very meta at times, and the characters are semi to fully aware that they're characters, and attempt to subvert or escape that. it's got hordes of fleshed out, compelling characters, one of which will almost certainly glom onto you for the rest of your life, real emotion, extremely funny jokes, smart and exciting plotting, and some very cool moments. it more or less invented an entire new genre/medium, and plays with medium in a very cool way.

it is also clunky, hard to get into, and way too convoluted. you will never fully understand what's happening. there are tons of characters whose stories you will follow whom you simply do not care about. there are too many characters. it was written by an edgelord in 2009 so there's some unsavory humor and character writing. it's so fucking long. the ending kinda sucks because the fandom was so toxic that hussie simply wanted it over with. the fandom still kinda sucks tbh. so many people have wrong opinions about it. it requires a very specific lens to approach and understand it. i still dont understand what happened with that fucking puppet someone explain it to me.

overall, i'd say that if you think you want to read it, give it a shot. i have a complicated relationship with it but at the end of the day, i genuinely love the story and the characters and i know they will be with me forever. it certainly enhanced my understanding of tlt, and getting to read more of tamsyn's writing was such a bonus (even though her taste in pairings is. not the same as my own). and like honestly. it's just fun. even when you're going "wait what the fuck just happened" you're having fun. it's really goddamn funny too. it WILL change the way you speak and also think about romance forever.

the best way to read it is to have an experienced reader guide you, but if you or other people don't know anyone like that, here are my basic tips:

i think most people know this already, but download the unofficial homestuck collection. just do it. it's like 4 gigs and it's infinitely better than trying to read on the broken website, and it's even ad free. it can also be modded - for instance ik there's a slur replacer mod (lmao) if you don't want to read those

act 1 sucks to read. you're like what the fuck is this, THIS is homestuck?? the beginning is radically different from how it ends up, so just hang in there. for me, it really picked up somewhere in act 3. just focus on the silly fun the characters are having and you'll be good

things you should actually try to follow in the early acts: the concept of a sylladex existing (the various fetch modi are only there for jokes and eventually just kinda stop being a thing), where all the copies of the game are, what each kid's relationship with their guardian is like, the mechanics of the game and the lore behind it, including classpects and quests

things you do not have to waste brain space on: anything about how the totems work, what the various machines are, what the levels are, basically any of the jokes that would be funny to hussie's original intended audience of software engineers and rpg gamers. oh and the intermission with the midnight crew and the felt, just know that those are guys that exist and you'll be good.

and the biggest tip i have is just. go with it. suspend your disbelief. a lot of the worldbuilding doesn't really make sense, but it would be a worse story if it did. when the time shit and ectobiology come into play, literally just go ok got it and keep going, don't think too hard.

so yeah i don't even know if any of this is useful but i hope it helps you decide. and if you or anyone else have follow up questions send em!

[chancellorxofxtrash]

Definitive Dragonheart Ranking

Did you know that Dragonheart had sequels? Or really a sequel and three(!) prequels? My personal ranking of the movies.

5. Dragonheart - A New Beginning (aka The Second One)

This is honestly better than I remember from my childhood. This is the most straightforward coming-of-age story of the Dragonheart movies, the CGI is easily the worst in it, but really, it’s a fun romp. Fuck the monarchy messages are still prevalent. Drake is a delightful baby dragon. It’s a fine movie, even if it has the most juvenile humour of the bunch. 

4. Dragonheart - Battle for the Heartfire (aka The Fourth One)

Okay this movie is an odd one. This is the most Direct Sequel out of all of them (sequel to the Third One, to be exact), which makes the only movie with a recurring dragon, in the shape of Drago. It also has an intriguing premise of the dragonheart-bond trickling down to descendants, and it bleeding into bonded pairs receiving powers for the first time. Also a pair of twins complicating the issue. The problem with this movie is, that the first half is criminally boring and badly paced, but once Drago decides he had Enough of this bullshit and starts being an asshole again, the movie gets So Good Y’All. I wish the whole movie was as unhinged as the second half. Also loses points for the least amounts of Fuck The Monarchy messaging in this.

3. Dragonheart - Vengeance (aka The Fifth One)

From this point on, all of them are Good Fucking Movies. Siveth, the first female dragon of the franchise is fucking delightfully weird, love a weird dragon lady. Lukas has a truly catastrophic amounts of powerful autism. Darius is what Aragorn would be if he would have had a few screw loose. Or more than a few. The main villain gains points for bringing back the Fuck The Monarchy, but the Villain Minisquad seem more fun and interesting. More delving into bonded pair-powers is always entertaining. All in all, a good movie, and genuinely interesting to discern the directions this movie took.

2. Dragonheart 3 - The Sorcerer’s Curse (aka the…. uh…. The Third One, obviously)

There is only one thing that tips this to second place over the first place, but otherwise this is a Good Fucking Movie. Drago is fucking iconic, and probably my favourite dragon. Gareth has a great character arc as a main character, and him and Drago are easily the funniest Bonded Pair of the bunch in my opinion. Absolute unhinged polycule main cast. Fuck The Monarchy is in full effect. Love to see it. I don’t know what else to say about it, it’s a Good Fucking Movie.

1. Dragonheart

The only thing that puts it here is that I have a shitton of nostalgia for this movie. Draco is an icon, Bowen is also an icon, fucking unhinged casting, beautiful score (which does come back over and over for the other movies obviously and you WILL want to cry), and generally, a very very good movie. Three, or even Five might be better movies, especially watching all of them in order, but I have a shitton of nostalgia for it. 

[salemruinseverything]

Hi salem :3 how does one go abt making Kandi (like what do I buy/how do I do it)

OKAY preemptively putting this under a readmore. BUT

so all you really need is pony beads and string. i personally recommend a cloth-wrapped elastic string because they're easy to tie + hard to break but basically anything stretchy will work. the absolute most basic and beginner-friendly kandi you can make is a single- just put enough beads on the string to fit around your wrist/ankle/neck [depending on where you want to wear it] and tie it off, and bam. you have made kandi. singles are a good way to get used to the very basics of making kandi, and if just pony beads feels a little boring you can add letter beads to spell stuff out, or charms to add a little bit of extra decoration! here's some examples of singles ive made btw i will take any chance to show off my kandi

probably about a step up from that is kandi stars which i will be using this pinterest tutorial to show you how to do because i cannot figure out how to describe that in a way that makes sense

i make them to take to concerts and give to people its super fun :3 you can also thread one of the beads on the tip of the points into a kandi single to attach it! its a little clunky but i personally think clunky charms are fun. i cant find a picture of it rn but i saw someone once with a kandi single that said "whip it good" with an empty can of whipits attached to it and while that is honestly one of the very few drugs i do not condone i still think that was cute as fuck

once youve gotten comfortable with those, you can move on to making cuffs! [or start making cuffs immediately honestly because that's how i started but honestly i would recommend you not do that because it took me five tries to make a single cuff.] there are two common stitches for cuffs- peyote stitch [make a loop and then go back around putting a bead on the string, skipping over a bead, and then sticking the thread back in so that the two beads stick on top of each other], which is less flexible but easier to make more detailed patterns in, and x stitch [basically the same as kandi stars but bigger and taller, making a kind of x-shaped look], which is more flexible and better for the base of big complicated cuffs. the easiest, though, is a ladder cuff. i would show you abother pinterest tutorial for this one but i couldn't find one. but the tl;dr is that you make a row of beads and then stick the thread in from both sides. and then do it a bunch so it stacks

here's some video tutorials for peyote stitch & x stitch

anything more complicated than that i cannot help you with but 1. this is a good start 2. youtube has tutorials for everything

glhf!!!!!!!!!!! 💛💛💛💛

[agentbeeswrites]

Tag game: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better.

@viharistenno tagged me for this. Thank you. :)

Last song: Jane by Jefferson Starship. Yes, sometimes I listen to really old music.

Currently watching: Oh man, this is always a complicated question for me. :D ST Voyager, Dungeon Meshi, The Brother's Sun, Harley Quinn, X-Men '97, Abbott Elementary, The Equalizer

Three ships: Bumbleby (Blake & Yang from RWBY) still take up a bunch of headspace. I haven't fallen into a new one yet. So I'll steal one from viharisteno and pull out Bering and Wells (Myka & Helena from Warehouse 13) and throw in Chenrich (Alex Chen & Steph Gingrich from Life is Strange: True Colors) because I reread my favorite fic for them when I was feeling nostalgic.

Favorite color: Blue, but not a powder blue (I hate powder blue), more of a medium to dark blue or even a blue/purple mix.

Currently consuming: Tea. Regular PG Tips with a splash of milk and two drops of sucralose. I had coffee earlier with brunch.

First ship: Oh no, a memory question. I'm honestly not sure, but the first ship I lost my mind over was Haruka & Michiru from Sailor Moon. OTP and relationship goals, tbh.

Relationship status: Married.

Last movie: Ghostbusters: Frozen Kingdom

Currently working on: Getting exercise more regularly and wasting all of my free time on Planet Craftor.

Let's tag some mutuals for fun. Play if you want to.

@runephoenix6769, @meijohana, @spectralhyena, @astraskylark, @lavendermeghan

[itlivesproject]

hiii! your project is AMAZING and you're all so talented 😭😭 but i have a question if you feel comfortable with sharing. which apps/programs you guys used to recreate the game? I'm interested in developing my own games but have no idea where to start. can you give me some tips? 🙂 tysm anyway!

If you want to make a standalone visual novel, then the program we use, Ren'Py, is perfect! It's free and designed specifically to make visual novels easy to make for everyone, including beginners. I had literally zero understanding of programming when I started working on ILW and just figured it out through tutorials, asking questions on forums, and trial and error.

This is the Ren'Py link.

Because this is long, under the cut I'm sharing some things you'll need to think about if you want to make a visual novel:

Your team:

You don't have to have a team of people helping you with this. You can do it alone. However, I will say that ILW would not be what it is if I had just tried to go it alone. It is so much better than anything I could've dreamed of when I first got the idea. More people on a team = more ideas, more constructive criticism and feedback, and more heads going in together to make a better product. But if you want a team, you need to make sure you maintain an attitude and environment that is open to suggestions and contributions from others. Be ready and willing to throw out ideas you like if it no longer works or someone thinks of something better. Nothing kills the creative spirit faster than defensiveness and competitiveness, so to have a well-working team, open-minded members and sharing your ideas and criticism in a positive way is extremely important.

Art:

This is one of the first things you should really nail down, because if you start working on your game but never figure out the art, everything else will go to waste. For most VN creators, they usually hire out for art. For us, since this is a free fan project, our artists worked for free. We were also lucky to already have a bunch of backgrounds and assets from Choices that our artists could edit, so we didn't have to make dozens and dozens of entirely new backgrounds. If you're going to have to hire out, I'd try to really compress the amount of art you'll need - plan ahead and cut down unnecessary characters who'd need sprites, maybe use a silhouette for unnamed characters, and limit the amount of backgrounds you'll need, because backgrounds take up a lot of space, they take up a lot of time to make, and they're expensive.

Programming:

Obviously, programming is a big thing. If you have enough motivation, you should be able to figure out a lot of this on your own. If you use Ren'Py, be sure to read the documentation, watch a lot of basic tutorials, and just get into the engine and start getting your hands dirty! It seems like a lot at first, but once you get the feel of it, it's actually not too complicated. When it comes to programming, I recommend simplifying everything as much as possible. When I first started ILW, I didn't simplify things much (because I was figuring things out) so what I used to do in three lines of code I now do in one. Limiting the amount of code you ultimately end up writing GREATLY diminishes possibility of errors and bugs. Also, try to get as organized as possible. Make as many folders, subfolders, and text files as you need. Don't try to put the whole script in one file, don't put all the images in the same folder. Good organization goes a long way to making everything a lot easier to keep track of.

Game structure:

Piecing together a branching game is honestly quite a puzzle. Before going into working on your game, you should sit down and figure out game mechanics. What points do you want to include? Personality? Relationship? Romance? Skills? Some kind of narrative scale akin to blood vs shadow? Figure out what points systems you want to include and then figure out how that's going to impact the story and where. When creating love interests, don't just create a character and assume they'll fit themselves into the narrative. Focus on the character as a character first, meaning determine how they fit into the story's narrative, and then think about them as a love interest second. If you do this, it will make them a better character and a more satisfying love interest. Finally, start the game knowing how much variation you want. Do you want something with immense, diverging endings? How much variation do you want within one scene? Because interactive fiction is so determinant on player choices and there can be so many routes, it's not a good idea to just go with the flow and see what happens, because otherwise you won't be able to reconcile all the different routes you likely created. So figure out the overall structure for your story in terms of mechanics before you really start on planning.

Planning and writing:

Once you have the previous stuff figured out, then you can start actually planning the story and eventually, writing it. Again, I'd recommend you figure out the previous stuff first because if you start planning and writing immediately, but then it turns out you can't solve the programming, or can't get art, then all this work will have been for naught. My advice on planning: do NOT skimp out! Additionally, to make the love interests feel more important to the story as a whole, I would recommend the technique of arc outlining, which is essentially when you take each love interest separate from each other and plan out scenes that tie into the story to further their individual character arcs. Doing this makes it easy to figure out where tender relationship and intimate moments can go, and those moments will be more interesting because they're connected to an actual plot point instead of just being like "it's sexy time!" Once you have your plans, you can start writing. Depending on how long your story is, writing can be really difficult. It takes a lot of time and thought, and burnout is real.

Music:

You'll want to figure out how you'll get music for your game. Again, creators usually hire out for this. On the Ren'Py forums, there's actually a specific topic for music that helps you network with composers who are looking for jobs. For us, again, since we're a fan project that's not making money, we could use 1) Choices music 2) tracks from a music library I have a deal with and 3) as a composer myself, I wrote some original tracks. Also, if you're looking for free sound effects, freesound.org is actually perfect for that. It's where I got the siren, forest, and ghost voice SFX!

Distribution

Distribution can be tricky! For ILW, we originally wanted it to be playable online, but we eventually removed that option because 1) saving online was complicated 2) the quality wasn't as good and it couldn't run smoothly and 3) we didn't want people who could download it, play online and have a bad experience instead of downloading it. If you offer an online option, most people will take it. For indie games, I think using something like Steam or itch.io is the way to go. Unfortunately, that will make it so it's not available on Apple products, but to get it on Apple you have to package it specifically for Apple which is difficult, and you have to pay $100/year to be allowed to have it up on the app store in the first place.

Hopefully this helps! This is really just scratching the surface, but here are some things to think about if you're interested in making your own visual novel.

[dungeonmalcontent]

Ya'll. It has taken far longer than anticipated, and it is quite nearly 30 pages longer than planned, but I have another book that will be put on DMsGuild soon. It is finally a complete document. Just needs to be read through a bunch (forward and backwards, tip for anyone editing their own stuff) to make sure I'm not making an absolute fool of myself with horrible spelling, punctuation, etc. (lets be real, it's gonna happen anyway).

But, yes. New book.

Psionics: Spellcasting & Specialties

The book re-imagines psionic abilities... kind of. tl;dr, I did my best to make psionics part of 5e in a way that works and doesn't suck the fun out of having it.

(The exasperated tale of a writer overwhelmed by their creation below the cut)

I've talked about this a little, but now that the book it more complete I can say more.

The way WotC tried to put psionics in 5e with the mystic class was a massive failure. It was like this vestigial tenth limb on a bird—a creature which has ostensibly already shed limbs five through nine. It was this whole other resource that only this one class could use and didn't really have much synergy and it was complicated and you had to track all these new passives that you could shift around (it was like having to worry about infusions that could be swapped out with greater ease and significance). It was a mess. I stand by that. I've tried to tackle the problem by drafting a revised mystic class before (not even going to go over how that went, you can read it for yourself for free).

But psionics are so cool. They're still in 5e, just really subtly and honestly mostly in the presence of the mind flayer stat blocks. They work very much like spellcasting, but really only in a way that can be used with "innate spellcasting" which isn't exactly a player attainable feature (yes, I know it's comperable to a spellcasting feat, that's a whole other problem). So, I thought to myself: "What if psionics replaced spellcasting? What if you took a wizard, or a sorcerer, or a bard, or a druid, or any spellcasting class and decided 'this is not spellcasting anymore, this is psionics' and you just changed the way the spellcasting feature worked for that class?" And then I answered that question.

The follow up question was, of course "What about the other classes that don't use magic?" Well. They get specialized archetypes with psionic features that reflect what someone of that background would do with psychic powers.

And then that led to "Well some of these already have something like that from tasha's, and what if a spellcaster wanted a dedicated psionic kit beyond spellcasting modifcations? Do they get subclasses too?" To which I had to exasperated say "Yes! Fine!" (out loud, startling my spouse at 3am).

And then "what if psionics had adept feats? What if we just had more spells that acted like psionics? What if psionics was it's own school of spellcraft? We don't want to turn psionics purely into spells, but what if there was a whole school of spells that was just the kind of spells you could only do if you had psychic powers?"

I was crying at this point. This was supposed to be a short booklet, like I mentioned earlier. I was supposed to be done with it in... April? I was supposed to be done in April. That did not happen.

Psionics has five different spellcasting replacement features (four more than originally intended) along with a range of three ways to customize and further strengthen your psionic spellcasting abilities based on your spellcasting ability. Revised rules for multiclasing with split spellcasting levels (the amount of technical this got was... WotC should hire me, at this point I am as embedded in their rubbish game system as any of their writers (I would turn down the job offer out of principle, but still)). There are six new feats which adapt any (potentially) character to be some degree of psionic spellcaster. The book includes 13 new subclass options, all psionically themed—13? you ask, yes, one for every class including artificer. 35 (freaking why did I do this to myself? 35?! are you kidding me?!) new spells are included in the book, they encompass the new psionic school of spellcasting which GMs can add previously written spells to if they so choose (with some guidelines on what would make good spell candidates for this). And, because there was so much content and this was unavoidable, there are 3 new creature stat blocks which correspond to either summons or created entities that players can interact with.

Will there be art? NO. I looked at the unformatted draft and decided then and there that this would not be a full art book. Or an any art book. There is a cover. I designed a new document style template. That is it. You want more than that? Crowdfund me so I can pay some blasted artists a fair rate to commission fantasy illustrations of characters squinting into the distance and looking like they have a headache. Book isn't even out yet, so technically there's still time for that.

But yes.

This is it. Psionics book.

Soon.

(I need to sleep for a month.)

[laurenkmyers]

(1/2) Hi, Lauren! Would you recommend me to watch Two Worlds? I'm debating with myself for a few weeks now, watching all these gif sets on tumblr. The things is... I find most of the BLs quite cringy which is a big no for me. Usually I like the BLs you're watching (I've really loved KinnPorsche, Not me, Kisseki, A Tale of 1000 Stars, ...), but there have also been shows you really loved but I wasn't able to finish - main example being Love in the Air (i just wasn't able to get past episode 3).

(2/2) Next shows I've tried but didn't finish are for example: Naughty Babe, Cutie Pie, Pit Babe. Could you advise me on which scale do you think the Two Worlds are? It looks intriguing but I'm afraid of a possible cringe lurking in the background. Looking at the BLs I've loved and the ones I didn't finished, would you be able to guess how I would feel about this one?

---

Helloooo sweet anon! Thank you for your messages!

Firstly, I must say, the bl's you listed that you enjoyed are superior. Well done on your immaculate taste. And the list you provided that you couldn't finish is also hilarious and accurate and I'm agreeing wholeheartedly on your opinions.

In terms of Two Worlds...I'm gonna be honest with you, I only started watching it for Max Kornthas. The man has a hold on me that I can't explain. So I may be slightly biased, however, that doesn't stop me from telling you that the show has surprised me in so many ways. I'm thoroughly enjoying it as a whole and hope more people watch it once it's finished. (Learning that it wasn't a domundi/mandee production also helped massively.)

Where it stands on a kp/notme level vs cutiepie/naughtybabe/pitbabe level, let me try and break it down for you:

Production level isn't quite kinnporsche WOW, but it's also not naughty babe cgi tiger TRAGEDY. It tips more on the kp side of production value. The locations are gorgeous, and the cinematography is pretty as hell. There are some dodgy camera tricks being used, but nothing to worry too much about.

The acting: As a whole I would say it's definitely better than your average thai bl. It's absolutely not Gun Attaphan level good. But I will say that Max is kinda killing it- and I'm not saying that from a particularly bias lens. His acting has improved an incredible amount since cutie pie/naughty babe. Nat, bless him, still has a little ways to go to really impress me, but he's also improved so fucking much I have to commend him. The guy playing the 2nd love interest is definitely the weakest actor of the bunch, but overall the acting is pretty good. No major complaints from me.

The narrative: I think this story in particular is incredibly interesting, it's unique, it's angsty, it's romantic, it's brutal, it's exciting, and a little bittersweet. The pacing can be a bit all over the place at times, but if you just go with it, you'll catch up quickly enough. The one major flaw for me in thai bls in general is that sometimes the story seems way more complicated then they actually are. This story really isn't that complicated if you don't think too hard about the details. Are there plotholes? Ofc there are. But it's nothing too glaringly obvious that I want to rant about it.

Another plus is that there is no quick-how-can-we-promote-this-thing-that-has-no-relevance-to-the-show product placement, which is something I only noticed two episodes ago but am highly grateful for.

The thai bl cringefactor: There are moments where I thought I would be cringing up a storm, but so far it's been pretty tame in terms of typical bl cringe moments. There's no guitars or singing (praying it stays that way), but we have had a few 'oops i tripped and fell into you and now we're staring into each other's eyes' moments, but honestly? They didn't bother me in the slightest. Maxnat pull off the elongated looks very well.

Spice level: We've only had one NC scene so far, it was definitely more on the romance side of the fence than the spicy one, but it lasted 7 minutes long...do with that information what you will. We've got more to come from both Maxnat and our side couple (who I'm also enjoying greatly, btw) Maxnat know how to fucking de-li-ver and from the looks of the trailer, our side couple also get a pretty steamy moment too.

The only potential downside to the show is the hefty trigger warning list. If you want to know them you can message or dm me and I'll make a separate list for you.

This response probably didn't need to be as long as it did, but I wanted to give you the facts. Do I think you should watch it? Yes. Do I think you'll like it? I think so. But is it to the standard of bl you seem to really enjoy? No. Do with this information what you will! And please feel free to tell me if you do start watching it and enjoying it because I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ps. (the CACKLE I let out reading that you couldn't get past episode 3 of LITA was wild because you're so valid. I skipped episodes 1-7 because I also couldn't handle the cringe, but if you did want to try it again- episodes 8-13 are much better- still a little cringe, I won't lie to you- but it's definitely the stronger of the two stories.)

[bvannn]

Weekly Update March 8, 2024

I didn’t do as much as I had hoped over spring break due to still being sleep deprived, but tomorrow and the next night I should be able to catch up. I’m making a good deal of progress on stuff.

I figured out animation with Clip Studio enough to make a little gif of Romeo playing piano, to go along with his theme. I’m really happy with how it came out. That’s the biggest song I have ready, but I’m really close on another (unless I decide to get more ambitious, which I might), and I do have a smaller one scheduled to go up Tuesday. I’m feeling surprisingly good about music.

The main problem I’m having is kind of a ‘just finish it’ thing, where I’m just not motivated to go record melodies or melody parts for whatever reason. That’s what’s holding back a couple pieces now, but I’m hoping that I can do some tonight or tomorrow. I’m thinking tonight because I got hit with inspiration for another character theme melody, and I don’t want to lose it while I sleep tonight, but I’d feel bad starting in that when another character theme and some other miscellaneous pieces are also awaiting melodies and recordings. I’d like to knock a whole bunch out tonight, because theoretically they shouldn’t be that bad, the annoying part is dressing them up for use which doesn’t need to be done tonight. Im not sure if I want to tonight because I also want to draw, at a minimum I’ll record that character theme melody.

The other big music thing is a vocaloid cover of a song that I’m using to test out how vocaloid works. I got the audio back from the friend with the voicebanks, and it sounds a lot better than expected! There’s a couple things I do want to tweak, but I don’t think I’d be able to do it from within the program, it’ll probably be more me fiddling with the wav file. Idk song is going surprisingly well, shouldn’t be very complicated to round up instruments, I already got all the plugins set up it’s just a matter of recording. I’ve also managed to find a guy in my area who offers Guitar lessons for cheap, which I’ve been taking and I do think the two I’ve been to are helping. Maybe if I get really brazen I can record organic guitar instead of using a vst, since it should be mostly or entirely power chords, but it’s not the end of the world if I can’t.

I do want to figure out visuals to go with it. I was a little hesitant to really put in a big effort with it, until I heard that buying a license for cover rights is ‘not actually that expensive’. I don’t know if that means 10 or 200 bucks but worst case I can hold onto it until I’m comfortable enough to drop money if it’s really that expensive. I’d like to do a simple music video with the vocaloid character, since the original song’s video is also really simple, although I need to figure out character design. Might throw a few together and put up a poll.

I’ve been trying to get more drawing stuff done too, some miscellaneous animations mostly. I’m really trying to push myself to finish up the timings I need for my commission sheet, and honestly I’m pretty close. I feel bad because I probably will have to increase prices after all, but I’m also offering other options, which can still be cheap. I’m trying not to undercut myself for my level of work, but art commissions are so expensive that I don’t want to be overcharging either. Most of the comms I have done have come with tips, so I guess people are willing to pay a bit more than I was charging anyway, but even then I don’t want to crank the prices high just because a few people are willing to pay more. I’m charging based on time, I just need to sort out how long things take.

Final point, comic writing/thumbnailing is going well, I’m at 25.5/32. Unsure how bad editing is going to be, but I’m kinda editing as I go along so I don’t anticipate it’ll be that bad. I’m expecting to be able to actually start making pages soon. What comes next could either be a continuation or a pitch for the other story. I get more questions about the other story, so I’m tempted, but I also feel like it’s a harder sell than the first. Whatever I need to finish the first one first, and that’s what I’ll do.

I’m still messed up on sleep and flareups are also picking up pretty bad, but only in the mornings, so I bet if I get more sleep they’ll go away too. Either way I do have a consult for the next surgery to deal with that in a couple months, so I should hopefully be okay. Plan tonight is to either draw some more or record some stuff

[queeresthellhound]

This Post is About Building Gundam Models (but actually it’s about being trans)

I’ve been working on different Gundam models recently and realized there’s a lot of similarities between my experience building models and my experience being trans. So here are a bunch of the similarities I could think of:

- You can spend 10,000 hours getting tips on YouTube before you even start and a lot of the time the process won’t be any clearer

- Some people plan meticulously before they start, assemble all their tools, search for weeks for the perfect opportunity; others jump in headfirst with a pair of toenail clippers and a vague hope

- It doesn’t matter whether you planned it out or not, you will make oopsies along the way. So many oopsies. You’ll have to live with some of these oopsies and look at them everyday but that’s okay, because you’re making something cool

- Some people started when they were a kid, some people just found out about it in their 30′s, 40′s, 50′s or beyond. Just because you started as a kid doesn’t mean you don’t actually like it. Just because you found out about it later doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prioritize your own happiness

- It involves a ton of experimentation. Sometimes those experiments don’t work out, it sucks when they don’t work out

- The process is really complicated and sometimes it feels like you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing. Sometimes you just have to wing it and hope it works out. Sometimes this results in oopsies, that’s okay

- Everyone has opinions on how you should go about the process. A lot of people’s opinions contradict. The more people you ask, the more contradictions you’ll find

- Some people will give you really bad advice. Almost always it’s not bad advice from their perspective but it’s really bad advice for you

- ”Why doesn’t mine look like theirs?”

- It takes a really really long time for some people and barely any time for others, but that’s alright, everyone’s process is different

- It’s one of the most expensive things you could choose to do

-The things you really want, or even need, to continue are often inaccessible and difficult to find

- Not everyone has access to the same supplies. Some people don’t have access to any supplies but are still trying their best

- Not everyone wants the same results out of it. In fact most people want different results. That’s fine because you have to live with the thing you’ve made, not them

- Some of the people who want a certain result will tell you that you’re doing it the wrong way. They’ll tell you that you’re “ruining it” or that your results look bad or that you should put more effort into it if you want people to “take you seriously”. Those people suck. We do not like those people. This is your thing. You built it. You should be proud of it. No matter what

- Everyone on the outside has an opinion on it. Some people will say it’s a waste of time, some people will think it’s cool even if they would never do it, some people don’t care, some people will insist you’re doing it wrong because it doesn’t look how they expect (even though they’ve never even tried it), some people will be way too concerned about it even though it doesn’t affect them at all and will try to tell you to stop and those people forfeit their privilege to be a part of your process

- At the start it can be exciting but it can also be hard and frustrating. The oopsies you make can seem a lot bigger, people will question why you want to keep doing this, you might even question it, but one day you’ll look at the amazing changes you’ve made and all of the beauty you created with your own hands, your own blood, sweat, and tears and it’ll absolutely blow you away that you did all that

- Honestly even after you start it can be hard and frustrating sometimes. That’s because it’s hard and frustrating. Sometimes you question whether you even want to continue years down the line. You’re allowed to do the things you need to make it easier, even if that means stopping

- A lot of people aren’t going to understand it. They don’t need to because it’s not their life. Do what makes you happy

[johannestevans]

Having read a bunch of your fiction and essays on various topics, as well as followed you on social media for a while, I am in absolute awe of your confidence, self-assurance, and ability to set boundaries - all things I struggle with immensely, and far too much for someone who is almost 30 and should have their shit more than together by now! Any tips or tricks you have for increasing self-confidence and generally empowering oneself would be much appreciated.

Hi there, Anon!

I think that raising one's confidence can be a complicated process, especially because in various ways when our confidence is a lot lower, it's often because we've been made to feel in various ways like we shouldn't be confident, or that we don't have the right to take up the space that we take up.

Part of this becomes reflexive and self-replicating - because we're so used to saying "yes" to everything, we might just say "yes" automatically to everything, and even if internally we know that we would prefer to say something different or we know that we don't want to do something right away, we've said yes, or it's fine, or don't worry about it, almost as soon as someone asks!

So especially for the thing of building oneself up, I would say that one of the most important ways to assert yourself and your boundaries, and also to give yourself an opportunity to consider things for yourself, is to give yourself time.

Especially online, but also just in a generally very interconnected world, it can feel like as soon as someone reaches out to us, as soon as a question or request is made of us, we have to reply with urgency. You don't.

99% of the time, things are honestly not that urgent. And when I say "question" or "request" I honestly mean like, any kind of message - there's nothing wrong with leaving something for a little bit and giving ourselves time and space to think about it and consider it. If your mother asks you to come do x for her but you're never comfortable with family gatherings because other people treat you badly or similar, you can sit on it for a while and think about it, how to reply, whether to say no or to say "I can only do y, not x".

You can also say that face to face, you know? You can always go, "I don't know! Let me get back to you," or "Hmm, I'm not sure right now, let me think about it," and that's entirely fair. Anyone who would get upset or frustrated about you asking for time to consider things is someone who won't respond well to a harder boundary when it's set, and it can be a good way to prompt people to show their red flags, you know?

There's a lot of fear I think about being seen as a flake or being seen as unreliable, especially when expectations have been placed on us to be hypercompetent or always available, but most people honestly don't fixate or consider these things very deeply.

You don't have to be everything to everybody, you know? There are a lot of other people in the world who can and will fill any roles that you're not able to fill yourself, and you like everybody else have the right to assert your boundaries and to live without the weight of the world on your shoulders.

What you can be, and what you are, is you. Nobody is capable of being you better than you are, and all you can do, all you can be, is the best sort of you you want to be - it's often used as a cliché, but it's a true one, you know?

It's important to remember that you don't exist to service or please other people. You exist, in the first instance, to live your own life. The old adage is that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that's true - you need to be fed, you need to be healthy enough, you need to be fulfilled and happy, and you need to juggle any external things you offer, any services or any further weights on you, alongside your own needs.

I much believe that it's a very important and very fulfilling thing to serve others and to work toward repairing around us what is broken, but we cannot and should not do that by breaking ourselves in the process.

[aparticularbandit]

Me, immediately: what are the Valentines up to today? Let's talk about my favorite couple ever please. XD

This meme.

Well.

The year is 2023.

Claire is in the third year of her second term as president. Things are going...not smoothly, but not poorly either. It's a Thursday, so one more day before the weekend, but it's not that kind of job.

Aislin is about to start her senior year of college, which means Agatha and Cian are gearing up for the summer extravaganza of visiting a bunch of colleges. Eve is helping navigate that; Agatha has experience planning for tours, but that's not the same thing as planning for a college tour roadtrip. Eve has done this twice - first with Brendan, and then about three years ago with Rowena - so she's an expert. (Rowena's timed poorly with Claire needing to campaign for her second term, so Claire met up with them on the trail when she could. But that's then, not now!)

Aislin is mostly looking forward to visiting her cousin at her college; Rowena's taking summer courses this year, but she's definitely set aside some time to show her favorite cousin ("I'm your ONLY cousin!") around campus.

Eve is helping Cian help Agatha not start getting heartsick over being an empty nester soon.

They're planning a family for tomorrow - Rowena gets a little while off between the spring semester and her summer courses, so she's with them for a little bit but will be heading back shortly. Brendan and Lexa have made an effort to be in town for this one. (Family dinners happen less frequently than they did when they all lived together or near each other. Sometimes he misses them. Sometimes Rowena does. It's complicated, getting everyone together.)

Eve will probably be exhausted when Claire gets back from her day at the office, and Claire will bring take-out from their favorite indie restaurant, which they probably shouldn't do so often, but it has been a day and she knows that trying to calm Ata is a huge hassle (from experience - she's honestly glad she's not the one doing it; she thinks that's harder than meeting with the other heads of state).

Of course, Claire will get called away for something important. She'll come back to find Eve already dozing in bed, but Eve will wake up when she gets under the covers - just long enough to resituate herself with her arms around Claire's waist and her head in her lap - and Claire will kiss her forehead and stroke her fingers through her hair as she finds her most recent book to read through while she waits for her own mind to settle enough for her to try and get some rest, too.

(It is often a book of easy children's fairytales these days. She doesn't need political fiction right now; she has too much of that in her real life. Sometimes she reads aloud to Eve - or Eve reads aloud to her - or they both read aloud together, making the voices until Eve laughs, nose scrunching up, and Claire kisses the tip of it - but that's not this time, it isn't now. Just sometimes.)